Just Max

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Monday, July 5, 2010

A Recipe for a Happy Marriage

When I was a kid, my stepmother liked to fill the house with sentimental sayings designed to inspire and warm the cockles of her heart. All around the place there were witty 'Mere Male' anecdotes from 'Woman's Day', pictures of dogs playing pool and drinking beer, American Indian posters about lost tribes and hilarious poems by Pam Ayers. Generally, they made me want to puke. I found one of my stepmother's favourite sayings recently on the web and have copied it below for your viewing delight:

Recipe for a Happy Marriage

1 cup consideration
1 cup courtesy
2 cups flattery, carefully concealed
1 gallon faith and trust in each other
2 cups praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget, a generous dash of cooperation
3 teaspoon pure extract of "I'm sorry"
1 cup contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
1 large or several small hobbies
1 cup blindness to the other's faults

Flavour with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper or criticism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with cold shoulder.

*Warning* I'm about to give an honest critique of the above recipe...


I've been married for nearly 11 years now so I think I have the experience to create an updated, more realistic, honest version of this recipe... Special thanks to my co-contributor - Tim, my wonderful husband xxx

A Recipe for a Realistic Marriage*

1 cup "put the seat down"
1 cup "cook your own friggin' dinner"
2 cups of shut-up
1 gallon of bitterness and remorse
2 cups of "it's a pimple - not a melanoma"
1 small pinch of sneaky credit-card debt
1 dash of "mummy's got a hang over"
3 teaspoon of seething resentment
1 cup of "we can't afford a divorce:
1 cup each of "you really should have held that one in"
1 large and long memory of every argument ever entered into
1 cup blindness to the other's attributes

Flavour with frequent portions of criticism and a dash of bitter regret. Stir well and remove any specks of joy, laughter or desire. Sweeten well with generous portions of sarcasm and put-down humour.  Warm with a steady flame of hate. Never serve with hope.
I'm not sure if my step-mother would have appreciated this version of the recipe. She divorced my dad years ago. Still, I think it's more honest, though I don't expect you'll be seeing it painted on a plate any time soon...

*Some have suggested that I can sometimes be a tiny, weeny bit cynical and even a tad sarcastic.


  1. You forgot the tablespoon of "I probably can't do any better"

  2. lol wait till it's been 22 years, you won't have the energy left to even open the recipe book lol

    I find spending the majority of time in different rooms really helps lol

  3. Hahaha thanks for the advice! Feel free to adapt the recipe for your own purposes xx

  4. And a heaping spoonful of "at least I got some cute kids out of this deal."

  5. Past step-mother of old says: "I agree what you have said in your version. But still believe there was a lot of the first version when I was with your dad - believe it or not!!!!! My mid-life life-crisis was not the nose piercing, as commented, but rather my trip over to England that time!!!!" Love and kisses, you know who :)


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