Recipe for a Happy Marriage
1 cup consideration
1 cup courtesy
2 cups flattery, carefully concealed
1 gallon faith and trust in each other
2 cups praise
1 small pinch of in-laws
1 reasonable budget, a generous dash of cooperation
3 teaspoon pure extract of "I'm sorry"
1 cup contentment
1 cup each of confidence and encouragement
1 large or several small hobbies
1 cup blindness to the other's faults
Flavour with frequent portions of recreation and a dash of happy memories. Stir well and remove any specks of jealousy, temper or criticism. Sweeten well with generous portions of love and keep warm with a steady flame of devotion. Never serve with cold shoulder.
*Warning* I'm about to give an honest critique of the above recipe...
WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT
I've been married for nearly 11 years now so I think I have the experience to create an updated, more realistic, honest version of this recipe... Special thanks to my co-contributor - Tim, my wonderful husband xxx
A Recipe for a Realistic Marriage*
1 cup "put the seat down"
1 cup "cook your own friggin' dinner"
2 cups of shut-up
1 gallon of bitterness and remorse
2 cups of "it's a pimple - not a melanoma"
1 small pinch of sneaky credit-card debt
1 dash of "mummy's got a hang over"
3 teaspoon of seething resentment
1 cup of "we can't afford a divorce:
1 cup each of "you really should have held that one in"
1 large and long memory of every argument ever entered into
1 cup blindness to the other's attributes
Flavour with frequent portions of criticism and a dash of bitter regret. Stir well and remove any specks of joy, laughter or desire. Sweeten well with generous portions of sarcasm and put-down humour. Warm with a steady flame of hate. Never serve with hope.
I'm not sure if my step-mother would have appreciated this version of the recipe. She divorced my dad years ago. Still, I think it's more honest, though I don't expect you'll be seeing it painted on a plate any time soon...
*Some have suggested that I can sometimes be a tiny, weeny bit cynical and even a tad sarcastic.